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“You have a lot to live up to” said Paul Barth, one of my friends from the Sierra Club/ECOS holiday party late this December. He was preparing to announce my Mom on a Mission award from Healthy Child Healthy World to the audience and was jotting down the milestones I’d accomplished since our first meeting when I was in desperate need of help to organize my community to protect ourselves from another year of toxic fumes from hot asphalt roofing tar.  He was jotting down “People Magazine, Sacramento News & Review, and Lifetime’s Remarkable Women Series” and that’s when it hit me! I do have a lot to live up to.

Let’s face it:  Most activists never get credit for their accomplishments. They work until the wee hours of the night because no one else will. They fight for social and environmental justice with no promise of a reward other than, hopefully, the successful outcome on issues they care about.

After the dinner, many people came up to me to thank me for my work. I thanked them too because I know they’ve worked just as hard as I have on issues that are important to them.

One woman told me, “I read about you. You’re that woman that was so brave when your neighbors were scared of retaliation.”  She continued, “ I grew up in the ‘60’s when people really thought we could make a difference—back then we did. People are just so scared now to stand up for what’s right…they’re like sheep”.  She said “you give me hope for the future of humanity”.

As she’s saying this to me I’m feeling so guilty. The other day, a friend of mine was telling me that when her kids are asleep, she and her husband smoke inside the house. As my friend was telling me this I stood there nodding at her as I imagined cigarette smoke lurking in her house stalking her innocent children snuggled in their beds.

I really wanted to say something but fear kicked in. What if she gets upset? If I recite factual evidence then she’ll think I’m preachy. I wondered if it’s even any of my business. After that, part of me wanted to stop talking to her since she’s too different than me in her beliefs and that makes me uncomfortable.

I’d always thought it would be some monster that doesn’t care about her children who would smoke around them, especially inside the house; but I know she loves them. I’ve see this woman scream bloody murder as her child nearly ran in front of a moving car.

But that’s just it. A car causes immediate damage you can see, and hear, and feel. Chemicals in our homes and in the environment are hidden dangers with half-hazard consequences that happen years after exposure. Not every child who lives with a smoker is going to get asthma and die of lung cancer. Not every person living on a Superfund hazardous waste site is going to develop tumors. But people like us, who pay attention to possible dangers in our homes and in our lives, know that it’s better to be safe than to be sorry.

So, what should I do about my friend? I think being her friend gives me the opportunity to teach by example. In fact, I think a simple, “I don’t allow cigarettes anywhere near my daughter” would have sufficed.

I mean, we won’t put ourselves in harm’s way by visiting her house due to the residue caused by third hand smoke. We probably won’t attend outdoor activities with her and her family since they probably won’t see a problem smoking near us. But I can keep sharing facts with her. I can keep standing up for what’s right with grace and dignity because by doing these things and by demonstrating positive actions we can all inspire others.

This is what we do to protect children because this is what gives us all hope for the future of humanity.

Read more about our 2009 Mom on a Mission, Shelby Rodriquez. 

The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and not necessarily those of Healthy Child Healthy World.

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